Uncovering What You Truly Want in Life as a Black Woman Over 40
Let’s keep it real for a minute.
There comes a time—usually somewhere around your 40s—where you just stop and think: “Is this it? Is this the life I want?”
If you’ve had that moment, sis, you’re not alone. As Black women, especially over 40, many of us have spent years being everything for everybody. The nurturer. The provider. The glue that holds everything together. But now, it’s time to ask the one question we often avoid:
What do you truly want?
The Silent Burnout So Many of Us Feel
You might look like you have it all together—job, home, family, a calendar that stays full—but inside? You’re tired. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally tired from constantly pouring into others while ignoring your cup.
Society often teaches Black women to be strong, to endure, to keep pushing. But who teaches us how to rest, how to dream, and how to receive?
Real Talk: We’ve Been Putting Ourselves Last for Too Long
Let me ask you:
- When was the last time you did something just because it made you happy?
- When was the last time you paused and said, “This is what I want—no permission needed, no validation required?”
Too often, we push our desires to the back burner out of guilt or fear. We stay in jobs that drain us, relationships that don’t serve us, or routines that no longer reflect the woman we’ve become.
But here’s the truth: Your needs matter. Your dreams matter. Your happiness matters.
How to Start Uncovering What You Want
This journey isn’t about flipping your life upside down overnight. It’s about getting quiet, getting honest, and getting intentional. Here’s how to start:
1. Sit With Yourself
Create space to just be. Turn off the noise. Take a walk, sit in your car, and get up before everyone else in the house. Ask yourself:
“What do I want right now?”
Don’t judge the answer. Just let it come.
2. Journal It Out
Grab a notebook and write freely. No filters. No perfection. Try prompts like:
- “I feel most like myself when…”
- “If I didn’t care what anyone thought, I would…”
- “I’ve always dreamed of…”
3. Let Go of the “Shoulds”
Sis, we’ve been living under so many “shoulds.”
- I should stay in this job because it’s stable.
- I should take care of everyone else first.
- I should be grateful and stop complaining.
But should will have you stuck in a life that doesn’t feed your soul. Start replacing “should” with want.
What’s Holding You Back? (And How to Push Through It)
We all have that voice in the back of our minds:
- “It’s too late for me.”
- “I’ve missed my chance.”
- “What if I fail?”
But guess what? You’ve already done hard things. You’ve survived, you’ve adapted, you’ve grown. That same strength can carry you into a life that feels like freedom.
The first step is believing you’re allowed to want more.
Sis, You Deserve Joy, Too
Joy doesn’t have an age limit. It doesn’t stop at 40, 50, or even 60. And it doesn’t have to come after everyone else is taken care of.
You may want a new career.
You can want to rest.
You can want romance, peace, travel, creativity, freedom—whatever lights you up.
And yes, you can have it.
If you’re a Black woman in her 40s or beyond wondering what’s next, this is your gentle (but firm) reminder:
You don’t need permission to change.
You don’t need a crisis to evolve.
You don’t need to wait for the “right time.”
Start today. Start small. But start.
